2003-03-08 - 11:32 am
For the first time in weeks I have slept beyond 10am. It's 11 and I'm still not dressed or showered. I can't tell you how good this feels, you'll just have to trust my well rested body and content mood.
I watched movies last night to somehow bypass my growing shittiness. The Wedding Planner and snippets of Crossroads. Romantic comedies and cheesey girl movies are the way to my heart. After a failed attempt at working on homework, I watched Chicago again (I downloaded it a few weeks back) matched with an icy cold screwdriver and games of Battleship with the boyfriend. I got drunk rather quickly, a nice happy feeling that stayed with me even this morning. This seems to be a weekly ritual now, winding down the week with vodka and a unwitty comedy on MovieCentral.
I've never been a big drinker but having a drink or two when I'm in such a mood like I was last night helps me out so much. I'm more relaxed and all the shit I was worried about just fades away. I sleep much better too. It's better than whining and complaining, better than having an anxiety attack and crying spurts. For something so mild as my anxiety/stress/depression, a drink really does do the trick.
I got to talk to Austin for the majority of the late evening. Playing Battleship on Games.com and coming up with as many euphanisms referencing ships, pirates and ocean life as we could. "Touch my tenticles," "All hands on my deck," "Loot my ship" - silly things like that.
It seemed like forever since we last had a psuedo "date" and even longer since we actually had time to talk and not be distracted. Soon we have to talk about what he's going to do after graduation and the possibilities of what I'm going to do in regards to his decision. I wish that things were a little easier, that we could just move in together and that would be that but I have so much I want to do.
A friend at school just got accepted to do an exchange program with Canada World Youth and I'm so envious of the experiences she's going to have spending seven months away from Alberta. I'm so afraid to do things like that, so afraid to put myself out there but I want to change. Even if it's taking a roadtrip with my boyfriend for the weekend to a place neither of us have ever been before, or going for long drives in the country by myself. I don't feel like I experience things with enough intensity; I just sit here and write about all the things I wish I had the balls to do instead of actually doing them.
This summer I hope I can change that.
Anyhow, I've spent too long writing and need to get ready for this afternoon. 60 x 40 inch self portrait to do and I have no idea how to go about starting. Hm.
