2003-03-12 - 12:08 am
It's been a rather unproductive evening. Napping for three hours and spending the rest of the night watching television and trying to come up with a template for gallery catalogues. I'm too tired to embroider anything so I'm considering a) doing it in the morning or b) waiting until tomorrow night to get one of my group members to do it for me.
I have this nasty habit of taking on too much responsibility. When I was growing up, in particular during my adolescence, I took the entire weight of the world on my shoulders convincing myself that I could take care of everything. I don't know, maybe it spawned from the fact that I'm the oldest child and have always been very independent, refusing to ask for help unless I really needed it. Since starting school I've been seeing it more in my personality; since starting this group project I'm a little scared of myself because I know if I'm not careful I will bite off more than I can chew. Yes, I'm a natural leader but I think my overbearing "I have to do everything" nature clouds the positiveness of being the head of a team. I'm so afraid I come off as bossy or worse yet - bitchy.
This weekend is major curatorial group project work. I think we can get everything done but I'm stressed out anyway. Though, in this case I think it's good that I'm worried and anxious because it'll give me drive to get the job done.
Other school things:
My drawing instructor has been really impressed with my drawings lately. Even though I don't think it's all that whoopdeedoo-great, it feels good to know that he likes what he's seeing from me. Currently that self portrait I did over the weekend is tacked to the wall on the Foundation Studies floor and will be there with the rest of the classes work until next week. I still find it strange to have my work tacked to a wall for anyone and everyone to see and criticize but whatever. That's what the whole art process is about, right?
I picked up my transcript and so far have a B in that drawing class, something which I'm very pleased with since it can only go up from the way I look at it. I'm more than happy to stick with the B grade but I think it would be great if I could even bring it up to a B+ or an A-. Anything to make my GPA awesome.
It's funny how concerned I am about grades now compared to what I was like in high school. It just goes to show how different college is from high school and how much this post-secondary environment is better suited for me and my learning curve. Not to mention I actually care about what grade I get because it would be such a fucking waste to fail a course my parents chucked out 500$ for me to attend. That's just unrespectful, especially since the heating costs have sky-rocketed and the cost of living as been raised that much higher.
Anyhow, I have a lecture tomorrow night that I'm not really looking forward to. I hate evening lectures because they screw up my sense of time. I usually leave at 9pm feeling like it's 3pm and I'm too wired to go to sleep. Ugh, I think I'm just sick of school altogether. Well, the academic part of it anyway. I could work in the studio 24/7 and then some if I were allowed.
I best to get to bed, or something more productive. The muscles in my wrists are weakening again from being on the computer so much. Oh the hazards of typing.
