2003-03-15 - 9:45 pm
Nearly 12 hours at school building a maquette of our make-believe gallery for a presentation on Monday. We've been stacking microwaves as photo platforms, burning our fingers with hot glue, and laughing until the punchline is forgotten. It's been such a long day.
I've been schooled out to the point of mental exhaustion.
Since this semester started I have been so caught up in school life; stuck in this "Art Bubble" that has a tendency to neglect everyone and everything else that seemed so important before I started college. I feel so terribly far away from my friends, both out of the province and even in the city. Sure, it's fabulous getting to know my schoolmates on a more personal level because they're some of the most amazing and interesting people I've ever met, but sometimes I feel so left out. It's hard to balance sticking my nose to the academic grindstone and running amuck with socialness. If I'm not at school finishing a paper or doing a lifesize self-portrait, I'm home trying to regroup my own projects and when I'm not doing either of that I'm sleeping.
I try as much as I can to keep in touch but it's never enough. I always feel like I'm missing out, jumping from conversation to conversation never really understanding what's being said because everything seems like an inside joke. I shouldn't let it get to me, I know, because it's good that I am so committed to my schoolwork and to my own creative projects but, yea. You probably know how it goes.
The Weakerthans show is next week and I can't afford tickets or the time. I just need the semester to be over, for the air to be even warmer and my social connections to be as strong as I know they can be because I hate this feeling that I'm distancing myself.
This could just be the changing seasons talking, or my long day toiling over foamboard and hot glue. I'm exhausted in every sense of the word.
Five things that would be ideal right now:
• A long hug and night with my boyfriend.
• One of those neon blue lemon drinks at Vicious Circle.
• Kidnapping my girlfriends for long crazy drives through St. John's, ending up on Signal Hill sharing secrets.
• Dirty Dancing
• Sitting on the hill watching the traffic while the breeze is still a warm 20 degrees.
I'm getting a bath before this tired feeling becomes a nostalgic wave of depression.
