2003-03-31 - 12:24 am
TBS has been clicked on all day. It's gotten to the point now where the movies are starting to rerun. Second time seeing The Breakfast Club, second time watching Kindergarden Cop, second time watching Sister Act and crying every time. It's a good break from news and life. Dumb movie after dumb movie (though, the Brat Pack are far from dumb).
I woke up early without the alarm. It seems I can't sleep past 10am anymore and whenever I do I feel like I've wasted the morning. I started working on the flats for my zine for the third time and actually spent the entire day completing them. I think it's one of those things that I need to complete in one fair swoop otherwise it won't get done. You can see it on my mailorder website.
One thing I've realized since I finished the second issue and started spreading the word around about it is how dumb I think the whole "zine culture" is. All the protocol, all the elitism, all the do's and don'ts that make something better than the rest. All the shit I didn't like about some zining communities from the very beginning I still have a hard time being tolerant with. I guess websites were the same deal back in the day before Livejournal and Blogger but somehow I'm finding it harder to be more accepting in this new scene.
I'm perfectly happy with my zine being a part of me and not a part of a community. A somewhat private thing that not many people see (compared to this online diary and other online forums). I'm good with that. I don't want to get caught up in hype or technicalities. I don't have enough interest in that side of things.
I don't know, I think I'm just irritable with absolutely everything this weekend. The way people speak, how people write - it's all driving me crazy. I just want to scream out exactly what I think of everything this weekend but I won't because I'll regret it in the morning.
I'll just find someone at school tomorrow and complain about everything I'm feeling. Or call my boyfriend or one of my best friends. Someone who is removed enough from the situation that they can take everything I say with a grain of salt until I get everything out.
Anyhow, this week is going to be a major work week. After spending the last two weeks doing dick all, it's time to get down to business. Studying at Denny's, drawing in the backyard, group projects. All this shitty energy in me has to be put to good use somehow.
It's only matter of weeks before Mom comes back for a few days and then Amanda arrives. I need some close estrogen around me. Dad leaves for a cross-Canada trip on Tuesday (Calgary-Vancouver-Toronto-Halifax-St. Johns-Halifax-Toronto-Calgary, yikes) and won't be back until next week sometime. I hope my hormones and temper stay cool enough that I don't flip out unnecessarily at my brother. The last thing I need is a fight.
My wishes for this week:
• To get my studying underway
• To talk to Austin on the phone for a few hours
• To have a threeway call with Meg and Bekah
• To get my damned sexdrive back because two weeks without one is just mental
G'night.
