2003-04-24 - 9:51 am
When I went to the doctor a few days ago, she said a strange thing to me. She was asking me about new pets and anything different I've been doing that would cause the eczema on my wrists, I mentioned my drawing classes and the excessive use of charcoal but now that I was done, it should go away (with the help of hydrocortisone cream). She asked what I would be doing after I finished school to which I replied "I have no idea. I really haven't given it that much thought."
She said I was brave to lead my life that way, that not many people follow their heart like I am. Even now I never realized that what I was doing was "brave", that going to an Art College was courageous. Though it does feel good to have someone tell me that I'm brave for not knowing what I want to do with my life because it has taken me a few years to admit that to myself and it's always nice to be reassured.
When I moved here I felt like a failure because I wasn't in college like all of my other high school friends. I was working a go-nowhere job in retail and not doing anything to further any kind of education. At one point I felt completely helpless and the most depressed I have ever been over the prospect of the future. I felt like I was missing out on something big.
It took some coaxing but I came around and now, two years later, I probably boast that I don't have a fucking clue. Me, the girl that usually needs a plan or at least something to work towards, has no idea what will happen in the next four years and I love it like that. I'm just going to take what comes to me and follow the doors that open at my feet.
In four-to-five years I could be doing the following:
Graduating ACAD with a BFA Moving out of my parents' basement into a place of my own, whether that be in Calgary or on the coast is anyone's guess Getting engaged or at least living with my boyfriend Maybe going to school to get a second degree Working in a flower shoppe Exhibiting in the Marion Nicholl gallery Baking bread Owning a dog that will keep all the bad people away and the good people closer.
Today is my day off and I'm going to spend it reading and knitting. Once I get some food in me I'm off to the public library to get some more books. I love summertime because I can be the bookworm I have always been and not feel guilty about "wasting time".
Also, Mom and Dad are in Montreal and I'm jealous. I want to go to Montreal too.
