2003-04-24 - 11:48 pm
The trick to talking to my brother I learned from Mom. He's the type of person that thrives on conflict and debate, arguments give him some kind of thrill ride and I'm exactly the type of person that will egg him on. We're both quite stubborn in that regard, leaving little room for compromise.
A few months ago I had a major blow-out with him that involved him coming into my room and taking apart my computer while I was at school. I called Mom furious and sobbing, unbelievably angry at the entire situation and unable to deal with it. She told me something important about my brother that I had never realized: If you stay calm and tell him "I don't want to hear anymore" and leave the room in the middle of an argument, he gets even more frustrated and you've won. No yelling, no name calling, just a collected "I'm leaving" response and avoid him for the rest of the night. It's not avoiding the problem, it's teaching him that he can't argue things his way all the time. It teaches him to deal with all the hard shit.
Our work schedules conflict this weekend and I won't be able to drive him to work. Both our parents are in Montreal so both cars are available to take but I have both sets of keys. He came down just a short while ago trying to solve this problem and of course his only solution was "Well, let me take one of the cars" to which I promptly refused. Yes, that would be the easiest way to deal with this but I'd much rather he take a cab than deal with possibly repercussions of getting caught driving with a licence or insurance.
So, I told him that but he couldn't grasp it. My voice remained low and steady as I explained to him that I'm covering my own ass with this, not his, because if he gets caught then it gets sent right back to me and I don't need that kind of a hassle. He continues to try to argue again and again, thinking that he can win me over or that I'll get frustrated and let him to whatever he wants, but I never back down.
"We keep having this conversation and you know where I stand. You're not taking the car until you get your license. When you get you license this won't be an issue anymore," I said.
He started to stir the yogurt he had in his hand a little more vigorously, "It's just so frustrating for me, so frustrating that I don't even want to talk about it anymore," and he left.
I'm proud of myself because I didn't lose it, especially considering my current hormonal condition and my past history of exploding at my younger brother. He's frustrated and that's okay because sooner or later he has to realize that life doesn't come served on a silver platter.
I swear, 18 year old boys are a bigger handful than toddlers who refuse to potty train and if I had a choice, I'd pick the three year old.
