2003-05-18 - 10:59 pm
Tomorrow:
Work 12-5pm
See if I can get some shifts off while Austin is visiting
Pick up Wednesday
Eat some dinner
Sew until dawn! Or at least 10pm.
I feel so great tonight despite the horrific war movie I just finished watching which has left my stomach anxious and hollow (but we'll ignore that for the time being). I've had a good weekend and it's days like today when I realize exactly how happy I am. I guess that's a nice and needed change from complaining about this and whining about that. Although, the moment I start to sound annoyingly pleasant just let me know and I'll tell you something depressing to even out the score. Honestly, I just can't get over how great my year has been going compared to last year and the years before last. I'm content, truly.
Late this afternoon I called my high school friend, Jenna, and we talked for over four hours but I'm pretty sure we could have talked for another six. I guess not speaking with someone in over two years has that effect. Our conversation was mostly steered toward high school memories and the antics we found ourselves getting into during junior high. I hadn't realized how much I longed for shared nostalgia until we started recalling it all. Three years living in a place that holds nothing of my personal history has really taken a toll on me. Every memory I have is a new story to tell to someone who can only imagine what I was like five years ago. Every memory is loosely woven tale open for interpretation by those who weren't there to experience it. While that was fun and even refreshing for the last three years, now it's even more comforting to have someone to laugh with who understands without having to finish a sentence.
It's funny living in a place so new, so far away from everything I've ever known and how consumed I allowed myself to become by it. It's like I shut off an entire part of myself to make way for the growth of something new. It was necessary, yes, to get me to the place I'm at now because forcing myself to forget things opened a door for change. Now that I finally feel secure in myself I'm reopening the flood gates and encouraging my past to come flashing back. Now that I'm finally happy with who I am, I don't get homesick anymore and I don't resent a single thing.
I'm even more excited about coming home now. Knowing that I have an open bed to rest my head and suitcase has taken a huge weight from pre-travel stress and the thought of so many friends waiting to be seen makes the anticipation unbearable.
But I'm not going to talk anymore about that because I'll excite myself into a wired state and I'll never be able to get to sleep.
