2003-06-11 - 7:04 pm
Since getting accepted into my major at school, people keep asking me what I plan on doing with my BFA once I graduate. I never know what to say, so I shrug and smile teasingly, telling them the only thing I do know: I'll figure it out when I get there.
A few months back when I was at my doctor's getting a new prescription for one of my many ailments, she asked me that exact question. When I told her I really had no idea what I was going to do afterward, she applauded me for it. She said that too many people go into a field of study that will guarantee them a career upon graduation and end up doing something they don't want to do. Their careers become work and not something they enjoy. She said I was brave for choosing the path I was on.
When Mom was here last weekend, we were sitting around the table trying to get my scholarship money figured out for my second year when she asked me the dreaded "What are you going to do with your life?" question. I realize now how strange my life must seem to some people and how unstable and unpredictable I have been allowing things to get—especially since my own mother is asking me what my long-term plans are. Though, I know her reasons for asking weren't to make me feel bad about the choices I've made, but because she didn't know what to tell her friends/relatives when they asked what I was doing. I guess it's alright for me to make myself sound like a sketchy fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants artist but it's another story altogether for Mom to pass off this flighty information second-hand. It almost makes her look like worse of person than me.
I was talking to Austin last night and asked him if he knew what he was going to do after graduation, and I should have known that he had everything figured out. Everyone seems to have a plan, this climax that their life is leading up to and I still have no idea about where I want to be three years from now.
Honestly, it makes me a little nervous even though I won't admit it to your face. Here I am, majoring in Fibre at ACAD, working with textiles, weaving, and dye techniques. Three years from now I will be graduating with a Bachelor's of Fine Arts and will have hopefully successfully exhibited in a few galleries (even if they are just the ones on the school campus). Once I get that diploma and I'm standing on the top level of the parkade, staring out at skyscrapers of the city centre, that's when the panic will rush. All of a sudden I'm a 24 year old with a degree. Christ.
Though, I shouldn't be anxious about this now because it is three years away and a lot can happen in three years. Who knows, I might start my own business with Wednesday, selling accessories and clothing online and through stores locally. Of all things, that seems probable. Maybe I'll find a job on the other side of Canada working in a textile design company, using my creativity to be produce fab fabrics en masse. I just don't know where any of this is taking me.
Shit, I didn't even know until this year that I loved working with textiles so much. For all I knew, I was going to be majoring in graphic design, at least that was the consensus when I was in high school. Like I said before, a lot can and will happen in three years so I shouldn't get my panties in too much of a knot.
But I swear, the next person to ask me "A BFA in Fibre? What are you going to do with that?" I'm just going to smile and tell them I'll be happy.
Or kick them in the pants for being so nosey.
