2003-09-06 - 11:12 pm
The corner of my eye has been dry and sore for a week now. Tears have been forming, trickling down the side of my face for no reason other than tilting my head. The corner of my eye has become raw and red, tender to the touch, and when tears escape from sitting in one spot for too long or concentrating too hard, it burns. Mom said to think of it as a gift from her: "You have Knell eyes," she said, "All the Roberts women do."
It still amazes me how I am a product of two people, the perfect mixture of physical attributes and personality traits. I recognize parts of myself that are the direct result of my parents—my height, my curly hair, my appetite, my creativeness, my quiet but outgoing personality, my eyes, my lips, my ambition. I love the idea that traits are passed down the line, aligning themselves to unique personalities but still carrying the memory of where it came from. I can trace every part of myself to my family and environment, and there is an overwhelming feeling of comfort and fascination that I am who I am because of what's around me.
I wouldn't be the same person I am right now if I hadn't moved here. I wouldn't be the same person if I decided to go to University instead of attending ACAD. I wouldn't be the same person if I straightened my hair. I wouldn't be the same person if my room were still upstairs...etc, etc.
School feels better now that I've finished my first week and have had a day to rest. I've gained a bit of perspective on my workload and somehow it doesn't seem as frightening as it did at first. Suddenly I feel like I can handle it, that I have some amount of control over my time. Hopefully this isn't just a brief glimmer of relief brought on by exhaustion and naivety, because we all know how I can get sometimes...
Tomorrow I'm spending the majority of the day in the ceramics studio throwing cylinders due on Thursday. I have decided that since this class is obviously going to require a great deal of my time, Sunday will become my designated Clay Day during which I will spend up to 8 hours at the wheel singing Clay Aikens tunes. Well, okay, I won't be singing Clay Aikens but you get the idea. I'm actually even excited about this because even though I was fretting about it last week, I am looking forward to growing into this new medium of art. Who knows, maybe I really will get good at it.
My schedule feels like it has become routine and I'm tiring out earlier each evening. Right now I am barely able to keep my dry teary eyes open (and I'm sure staring at a computer monitor isn't helping matters) so I will retire to bed with my English reading.
Here's to good tea, a good night's sleep and actually feeling good.
