2003-09-14 - 9:50 am
Since starting school my dreams have become incredibly intense, to the point of being lucid. My mind is swimming, drowning in unconcious thought. It feels similar to late junior high and early high school: detached and convincingly magical.
I have dreams of kissing him with big movie kisses complete with perfectly placed lips and hands just so. I miss him a lot and it's weighing me down—it's obvious with how much I dream about him. All I can do is take a deep breath and keep moving, like I have been for almost five years.
I've been having fantasies of surprising him, of flying down there and knocking on his door. Seeing his face and hugging him so tight. I search for cheap ticket fares online almost daily, trying to decide if I can do it.
I just miss him so. fucking. bad. But, whatever, there are worse things going on than the struggles of my lonely, shrivelled heart.
